everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
