I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize
