There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
The police scanner is talking about you again....
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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