We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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