I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
i just sent this text using only my big toe
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
She told me I should be a condom model.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
