Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
he's single and there are thong briefs.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
