apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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