I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize
