we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
