i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Randomize
