I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
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