She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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