you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
