Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Randomize
