Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
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