someone threw a dead crab at me
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Every concussion has its silver lining
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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