Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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