OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
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