I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize