Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
