I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
