When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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