The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
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