I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
