we have pet lesbian snakes
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
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