Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
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