sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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