Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
It's official drugs can't kill me
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize