ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
