he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
what day is it and did you see me today?
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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