yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
