he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Randomize
