so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
