I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I am naked and annoyed.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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