last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
you didnt know i had herpes?
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
