we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
