also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Randomize
