are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
