lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
