They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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