What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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