I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Randomize
