I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Randomize
