I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
