So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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