My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Randomize