I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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