Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
