i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
