I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
