had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize