separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
