well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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