Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
So drunk its hurt
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
this must be what syphilis tastes like
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
