Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
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