Will you blow on my dice?
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
