quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
