i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
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