So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
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