We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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