She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
But break dance skills will only take you so far
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
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