if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
