true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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