Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
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