Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
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