You can't motorboat a personality
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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