yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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