awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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