two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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