im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I intend to get homeless drunk
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Randomize
