Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
MIDGETS
????
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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