When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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