He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
