i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize