using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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