DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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