I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
they need to just BURY HIM!
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
