Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
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