home. puking in laundry basket.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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