I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
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