And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Randomize
