he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
