I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
my god I love twenty year old dicks
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
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