I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
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