its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
