You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
