I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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