Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
