also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
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