i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
