So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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