Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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