put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
