i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Randomize