I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
