Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize