I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
