Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Dear god my vagina.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
