apparently the secret to your success is patron
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
