Plan B is the new Plan A
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize