Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
