if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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