Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
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