I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
