you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I pour the whiskey from now on
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
