i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Randomize
