Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
