Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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